Thursday, November 20, 2008

These things I know...

I started a totally different blog earlier about the odd way people try to enter our building here, i.e. through the back door in my office, which is totally not the front of the building at all, but then got side tracked by my work study students' tale of woe.

She is a senior, and her boyfriend of 3 years, give or take, just broke up with her. He is not at this college, but in one of the maritime colleges. He is a senior too, and has pulled this stunt before, right around the same time of year last year. I think he is trying to get out of buying a Christmas present.

I have never met the young man, but I have been in this relationship. I have been the 22 year old whose boyfriend breaks up with her before the holidays, or just before graduating, or because he wants to date other girls, or because he can't handle the idea of it becoming more serious and maybe a real ADULT relationship, or the 39 year old divorcee whose husband also couldn't handle it when things got hard. I feel for her. It SUCKS.

Here is what I know though:

It will feel better. A week, two weeks, maybe a month down the road, it will feel better. You won't wake up and the first thing you think of is how much you hurt. You will eventually go for an entire day, then days, without thinking about him and what he is doing and with whom.

There are other fish in the sea. My mother, wise woman that she is, once told me there is no one Mr. Right. There are at least 12 Mr. Rights. Timing is everything. But that dude is not the only dude you can love and be loved by. There are more dudes.

We deserve better. If the dude has a habit of breaking it off or isolating when the poop hits the fan, when life gets difficult, that is not the dude for you, you deserve better. We all deserve to be cherished, loved, and adored. We deserve someone who will let us cherish, love and adore them. Partner is one of the best words in the English language. We deserve a partner. Not a dead weight we have to do all the heavy lifting for, but a buoy that helps support us and lifts us up.

22 years of age is REALLY REALLY REALLY YOUNG. There is a whole crap load of life ahead, and no time to waste worrying about a lunk who isn't there for us. She is about to make decisions about her career, grad school, LIFE and now she is unencumbered. The world is hers for the choosing. Go forth and celebrate. Make the life you want to have, don't accept the life that is handed to you by someone else.

She will be fine, and I think she knows she has her whole life ahead of her. It just hurts for now. I am sooo glad I am not 22.


Audubon Ron said...

What? What are you telling me? Are you telling me your blog wants to divorce my blog? Right.Before.The.Holidays? Hm? Is that it?

mkosboth said...

Gasp! How could you even think such a thing. NEVER.