Wednesday, June 29, 2011

A view from my office...

Don't be a Noid.

Dominoes Pizza advertising campaign from 12,354 years ago. Give or take a decade.

Monday, June 27, 2011

On Barnacles and Pier Fries

Yesterday we had had enough of rain and 60 degree weather. We decided to head up to Old Orchard Beach in Saco ME.

Theme park as viewed from pier.

There is a theme park, where Cooper rode his first roller coaster ride, first tilt a whirl ride, and first Materhorn ride. He deemed the tilt a whirl the scariest, but the roller coaster the most fun. I have yet to meet a roller coaster I do not love. Even the ones that go upside down and backwards. But by far the best are like the one at OOB. Small, fast, with lots of tips and turns. There is nothing quite like the chunk chunk chunk like coke bottles in a paperbag sound as you go up the first incline to get the anticipation flowing.

There are also Pier Fries. I was a Pier Fry virgin until yesterday. I had heard tales of these delectable fried bits of wonder. They did not disappoint. However, point of order: I do NOT like vinegar on my fries. This could be item number 3 on the list of things The Bob finds astoundingly baffling about me. I like fries with salt. Sometimes ketchup. These fries needed no help. Tragically, a sea gull got to the remaining fries in the box when we were at the beach.

I do like to color coordinate things, but not even I could plan for my kid to match the colors of the ocean and sand.

Despite the fact that we were headed to a location with the word "BEACH" in its name, we went completely unprepared for beach related activities. No swim suit for anyone, no towel. So Coop went into the sea in his shorts, Bob procured a replacement pair that are so big Cooper will probably wear them for the next two summers, but who cares. Fun was had.

On the way home, at Coopers' request, we stopped to play some Miniature Golf. Unfortunately, we only managed to play 3 holes before giving up because there was a gigantic family of like 16 people playing ahead of us, and we determined we were uninterested in staying for the next 3 hours to play. Cooper got to play for the first time though, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

All in all, a great day was had.

Editors note: Apparently I was mistaken. Old Orchard Beach is in Old Orchard, not Saco. Who knew.

Monday, June 20, 2011

On Becoming THAT Mom...

As I have annotated rather thoroughly here at Casa de MidLyfeMama, our foray into organized sports this spring season was met with mixed results.

T-ball was a raging snorefest. They had the "season end event" this weekend. This included EVERY team in the league, not just the ones that practiced and played on our night, meeting at the fields, and spending an hour running "clinics" and playing a game against another team. Then there was to be a BBQ. THEN they would hand out the trophies. 2 hours in the rather blazing sun. For the 4-6 year old group, this was JUST TOO LONG. They should have made it an hour. Take the big league photo, do the BBQ, and then hand out the trophies. About half way through the "clinic" for his team, which wasn't going much better for anyone than a regular practice, Cooper said, "I want to go home." And I could not blame him. I pointed out that meant he would not get a trophy. He was OK with that. So we went home.

Sunday after a lovely breakfast for Father's Day, we had the last soccer game/event. We played a regular game, and then everyone picked up a trophy on the way out. One hour, in and out, and he got a trophy for his efforts.

However, I had a special MOM moment during the game. At some point Cooper really got into running back and forth and attempting to kick the ball. So when the coach said it was his turn to step out so another kid could play, he didn't want to. He began whining "I don't waaaant to rest" and refusing to leave the field. I stepped up to walk him off, and he turned away from me and ran back out there. Of course I turned to see 20 something pairs of judging parental eyes looking at me. YAY. I walked further down the field, got him to come over to me and took him off the field where we sat down near two of his teammates and another dad. Cooper asked if everyone would get a trophy. I said yes, but I wasn't sure he really deserved one the way he was acting. And as I said these words, I am thinking about how that must sound to the other parent sitting there. Like I just became that parent who belittles her kid in front of other people. When he said he waaaaanted a troooooophyyyyyy, I said he would get one, but he wasn't listening very well and that was not how the game was played. But still, I was pretty sure that guy went home and told his wife I was a royal witchy poo.

So who is happy organized sports is over for at least 3 months? ME! Who signed her kid up for fall soccer AND volunteered to be an assistant coach in the fall? That's right - ME! We will see if they take me up on it.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Abundant Rodent Nooky - A Sign of Apocalypse?

Don't let my beauty fool you...

I don't know about your neck of the proverbial woods, but in mine, the rodents have Barry White on an endless loop on their little rodent iPods, and are getting their business ON. Especially the chipmunks. They are EVERYWHERE, and there is so much chipmunk nooky happening you can practically hear it as you sit outside on my deck trying not to think about chipmunk nooky.

Now it is all you can think about, isn't it. You are welcome.

But the weirdest thing that is going on is the rabbits. I am sure it is a sign of something, most likely some harbinger of the coming apocalypse, but there are more rabbits in our neighborhood than ever before. OK, it may have SOMETHING to do with the drop off in the feral cat population, and that is a story for another time, but when I walk the dogs in the early AM, we see no less than 6 rabbits inside of 30 minutes. In a very densely populated residential suburban neighborhood. No wonder The Bob saw a coyote running up the middle of our street recently. Between the rabbits and chipmunks and squirrels OH MY! it must be like a Vegas $4 buffet to a coyote.

But I digress. The rabbits. They are trying to nest. To have their little rabbit babies. In the middle of my back yard. Also known as Schnauzerland. I have two Schnauzers, one of which already has a notch on his bedpost for having killed a rabbit almost as big as he in our back yard about a month ago. Schnauzers were bred for catching and killing rodents. They are fearless and relentless in this pursuit. Gus, featured above, is a death machine. Rabbits, chipmunks, mice, moles, birds. All have come to an untimely demise in my yard.

So you would think that there would be a tiny sign put up by the fauna on our yard "Caution, beyond here be Schnauzers...Pass at your own risk" but no. The other day there was a rabbit, sitting stoically in the middle, smack in the middle, of my back yard, on top of a hole. Maybe more IN a hole, it had begun digging. When Gus got out there, the rabbit had taken its leave, but he began digging the hole up. He came up with a mouth of rabbit fur. I began pulling it out, and it was like a magician pulling scarves out his mouth. It just kept coming, but there was no rabbit. Just fur. Then I began cleaning the hole out. More fur, lots of grass, but no rabbits. Thank goodness. But obviously it was trying to build a nest.

All I can say is if it persists in this endeavor, Darwin may have his day in court. Survival of the fittest will be demonstrated. But I would rather NOT be dealing with more dead rabbits and baby rabbits all over my back yard. So I filled that hole in, and so far, no more digging. But my neighbor has been even more unlucky. After spending a pretty penny on new sod in his front yard, and watering it religiously to keep his investment alive, the same day we found the rabbit digging in our yard, he found one had dug a nice fat hole in his front yard. Right in his new sod. I have offered to rent the Schnauzers out to him.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Whining Wednesday - The Crank Edition

Yes I would like a little cheese with this whine:

At the risk of sharing way too much, (is that even possible on the internet?) Irritable Bowel Syndrome is rearing its ugly head in my life again, and quite frankly is ruining eating for me. So far the foods I have eliminated in an effort to stop the madness include: Eggs (what's NOT for breakfast) in any form. Corn in it's purest form, like in the kernel, which stinks because I love corn on the cob. But since it is the one food that comes out looking exactly the way it goes in, I am wondering if it has any nutritional value at all. Salad. Specifically leafy greens, celery, or any source in INSOLUBLE FIBER. Because, say it with me now, it is insoluble. Which my colon takes issue with.

So, food that is normally considered good for you, eggs, corn, salad, yeah, I am not eating them. I generally also avoid all sources of soy, because soy, especially in the form of tofu, tries to kill me.

In other news, I have developed a raging ragey rage against bras. You heard me, ladies undergarments of the bra variety. Especially in the hot weather. Itchy, hot, awful. Combine that physical discomfort with my colon issues and you might say I am generally kind of CRANKY.

So, if anyone has any suggestions for solutions to either issue, I am open to hearing them. Except from sickos and spam bots. You all can keep your comments to yourselves.