One of my favorite people in the entire world is getting married in December. She was a student at the college where I work, she became a member of my staff as a student and then again once she saw that being a financial aid administrator was like, totally awesomely cool and so what if that sentence is totally NOT cool. Through the past couple of years we have both been through some big stuff and been there to support each other. She reads this blog and knows I think she rocks. You really do...
So she asked me to be in her wedding. Of course I said yes. She is also a fabulous seamstress, and has made two dresses for me in the past, including the one I wore in my wedding to Bob. She is making all of the dresses for her wedding. Based on the sketches they will be these beautiful 1940s style dresses, in a gorgeous champagne colored silk. She finished assembling the dresses recently, and sent this email message yesterday:
Ladies:
The dresses are all together and hanging in my sewing room...and they are HOT. I have a few statements to make about the nature of these dresses. First I apologize in advance because this fabric is NOT forgiving (blame the shady dude in Phila who wouldn't send me my original fabric which was heavier). If you have bumps or lumps that you don't like you may want to consider some sort of undergarment support. Whatever you do wear must be NUDE and it must be "seamless".
IF I have lumps and bumps? IF??? As I said to her, that is ALL I have. Hellooooo, I am 45 years old, and had a kid after I turned 40. A phrase a person never wants to hear about a dress that they will have to wear for hours, in front of other people, is "not forgiving." And I would like to point out that other than one other woman in the wedding party, they are all under 30 and SKINNY. I am not exaggerating. I have been shopping with the bride, she is officially a size zero. The others are not much larger. Even at only 5'4" feet tall, I am taller than most of the other women, with one exception, and while she is tall, she is super thin.
This means serious work MUST be done in the next 60 days to tighten up and lose a minimum of another 10lbs and acquire some serious spandex. I have never purchased Spanx before, but I suspect it is about to become my new best friend. Nude, seamless supportive, smoothing and reducing best friend. Treadmill, don't fail me now.
6 comments:
HAHAHAHAHA, cracking up, out loud, at work!
Cracking up also! Laura is evil! Let the undergarments do their work! Back to the 1940's & 50's for sure. You are about to experience your mother's past. Even if we were skinny then, we wore these things. Think girdles then supphose! Good luck.
... I got nuthin. Except the good end of the gene pool for once!
LMAO...."IF you have bumps or lumps....." Awwww...that was cute. Us lump and bump girls are now the majority I'm afraid to say. Rejoice! Um, or don't.
You got lumps in your bumps? Is that what you said.
Anonymous was me.
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