Friday, April 4, 2008

A collar bone, a collar bone, my kingdom for a collar bone

You know what I have noticed - I can't see my collar bones. I have also noticed that the word bone wants to be written as "boan" for some reason. Ah phonetics. Anyway, sometime in the last 5 years I lost my collar bones. Those two lovely wings of bone that gracefully lay right below your neck. It appears I have padded them with, well, fat. It isn't a lot, I can feel them there, but they are hiding under this bizarre, dare I say, matronly layer of flesh. And it bugs me. I have pictures of me where you can see them, and I want them back. I have been on a campaign to lose weight anyway. I have lost most of what I gained during my pregnancy, but I was a good 20lbs heavier than I should have been before I got knocked up. So I am on a campaign. But is it possible the crafty little beggars will stay hidden? Can you lose weight in your shoulders and upper chest area? Will the cardio work or do I need to add weights to my regimen?

I noticed this because I have to go to a fancy schmancy event this weekend - the new president of the college I work for is being inaugurated - and I was trying on a dress I have had that I finally fit into again, but wait a second, something looks odd...what is missing...what the...where are my collar bones? And it makes a difference. Check any picture in any magazine for a beauty product, clothing, heck, even a cleaning product featuring a woman. There they are, those signifiers of femininity, collar bones.

So now I add to my campaign the additional quest to rediscover my collar bones. I don't want to achieve Ethiopian famine victim skinny status, just enough that I don't look like I have my great aunt Helen's shoulders.

1 comment:

Susie said...

You are hilarious. I am too tired to come close to being interesting but wanted to say I rad you loud and clear, sister.

All the best and more comments from an awake me soon,