We have three dogs. Buster the Beagle - a pain in the ass dog who sheds everywhere, breaks into the garbage regularly despite all attempts to prevent it. He is like Houdini, only he is an expert at breaking INTO things instead of out. Gus the Elder Schnauzer - he was my first dog, and is gay. No really. He is the Liberace of Schnauzers. I used to put fun coats on him in the winter and he would prance like he was in a Pride parade. Then there is Poncho. Poncho is also a Schnauzer, and is Gus' brother, but they are from litters two years apart. Where Gus is sensitive and cuddly, Poncho is all growls and yapping and a spaz. He is also trying to kill himself.
Two summers ago, we were sitting in the dining room eating breakfast with Cooper, back when he would sit in a high chair and actually eat food, when we heard Chad, our neighbor at the time, yell our names. Bob went to the back yard and found Poncho flailing around in the pool. He had somehow fallen in. Who knows how, but he did. Now he could have just walked out of the pool, there are steps that were two feet from where he was scrabbling at the wall, but none of the dogs have figured this out. We put them in the pool every summer to try and teach them how to get out without our help, but they all just go directly to the wall and flail. So Bob fished him out. He was soggy but fine. Thank goodness Chad had been in his own back yard with his dogs and had seen him in the pool or we could have had a very wet and very dead dog.
Two nights ago I was upstairs putting Cooper to bed when I hear Bob arguing with Poncho, and then he says he needs me. I get down there to hear him say Poncho has a wine cork stuck in his throat. Cooper had been playing with about 5 corks earlier, sorting them in tupperware. I guess Poncho got one and began chewing on it when Bob tried to take it from him. Poncho refused to let go of it, and then in a split second, got it turned the long way in his mouth and it moved down to the top of his throat, threatening to put a plug in his esophagus and suffocate him. I picked Poncho up, turned him face down to the floor and shook. The cork fell down into his mouth, but Poncho locked onto it again instead of dropping it. This thing almost killed him, but he had to hang onto it. I said "Bring me The Spray." We keep spray bottles with vinegar and water in them, for cleaning counters or spills and for spraying the dogs when they are misbehaving. They hate it, and it doesn't hurt them, although they do end up smelling like salad dressing. I got right up in his face with the spray and gave him a snoot full. He dropped the cork.
I can't wait to find out what he will do next. This is why I refuse to put tinsel on our Christmas tree. All of our dogs eat the random kleenex or napkin if they can get their paws on them. Then you get to find it later when they poop. They will eat almost anything. Tinsel butt is not my idea of festive holiday decorating.