Over the past weeks we have been hearing in the media about a series of suicides by teenagers who were bullied, or harrassed by classmates, roommates and others in their lives for either being gay or being perceived as gay.
Many blogs have commented on this, and have said it more eloquently or with more passion than I probably can, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't say something or pay homage to these lives cut short so soon and so sadly. They are:
Justin Aaberg, 15, MN
Asher Brown, 13, TX
Tyler Clementi, 18, NJ
Billy Lucas, 15, IN
Seth Walsh, 13, CA and
Tyler Wilson, 11, OH
And it isn't just gays who face this sort of terrorism. Here in MA we had the case of Phoebe Price a teen who moved to the US from Ireland, who had the audacity to be different, and to date, however briefly, a boy from the popular group in her school. That made her the target of unrelenting harrassment from classmates that became so unbearable she hung herself.
This isn't new, being ostrasized for being different. People of color have been fighting this battle for equality and respect for centuries in this country. People who dress differently, talk differently, have earrings and tattooes, you name it if it makes you different it probably makes you a target for some level of unwanted attention.
As a mother of a young boy, I am more than a little terrified of something or someone hurting Cooper, and cannot make room in my conscious mind for the idea of him being dead for any reason, much less by his own hand. I can only hope that he never finds himself in a place of such despair, loneliness and torment that he feels that ending his life is a better option than seeking help. From me, from his father, ANYONE.
The world needs to change for the better. WE NEED TO CHANGE. I don't care what your religious belief system says about being gay. This isn't about that. I don't care what you were told growing up by your parents. This is about common decency, about treating people with basic respect for their humanity.
I went to a college which is a very conservative Christian college. Being gay was not okay there. My first roommate there had experienced a great deal of negative attention because she dated a guy who was a different race. It just wasn't done. I remember hearing that AIDS was God's way of punishing people for being gay. This is all unacceptable. I would like to think that in 25 years a more progressive, accepting attitude has been adopted, but I don't know.
You do not have to agree with someone in order to respect them, to treat them as you would like to be treated yourself. We need to rise above the hatred, and embrace that which makes us interesting, makes us beautiful. I want my child to be able to laugh, love and experience joy in his life no matter who he loves, what color his skin, eyes, or sports team he cheers for. It is our differences that make life such a blessed and beautiful experience.
I am quite sure no adolencent, teenagers are reading this blog, but if someone out there needs resources to deal with harrassment and bullying, they are out there.
The Trevor Project is there for gay teens who are in trouble, considering suicide as an option. The It Gets Better youtube channel has hours of videos from people talking about their own experiences with bullying and harrassment and how they stuck it out to find out it truly DOES get better.
No one should feel so lost and alone and harrassed that death seems a better option than living. We need to stop the hatred, and start the loving.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Time flies and then he is at the dentist
We have achieved yet another milestone in Casa de Cooper: the first trip to the dentist.
Don't look now but he might have a crush on Shannon, the dental hygenist.
Look Ma, no cavities! He has however, inherited my propensity for tartar and plaque, so I was glad he would sit still and let her scrape his little teeth. And then polish them. The lure of a new tooth brush is strong.
In other news, we went to the aquarium this weekend, Cooper and I. The Bob had to work, so off on the train and into Boston we went. Cooper was all about seeing the sharks, which led to serious disappointment, as it turned out the sharks were on a vacation at a different location while the main tank was being treated for some parasite or bacterial infection. Once he discovered that, he was all done being at the aquarium. Glad we spent that $40.
This is the face of No Sharks.
Don't look now but he might have a crush on Shannon, the dental hygenist.
Look Ma, no cavities! He has however, inherited my propensity for tartar and plaque, so I was glad he would sit still and let her scrape his little teeth. And then polish them. The lure of a new tooth brush is strong.
In other news, we went to the aquarium this weekend, Cooper and I. The Bob had to work, so off on the train and into Boston we went. Cooper was all about seeing the sharks, which led to serious disappointment, as it turned out the sharks were on a vacation at a different location while the main tank was being treated for some parasite or bacterial infection. Once he discovered that, he was all done being at the aquarium. Glad we spent that $40.
This is the face of No Sharks.
Monday, September 27, 2010
The world has plumb gone crazy
OK. I have this child, he is almost 4 years old, and I would like to state for the record right now that I would like this world to FIGURE ITS SHIT OUT before I have to launch him into it. Because the evidence so far is everyone out there has gone LOCO.
First there was the guy in New Mexico who decided it was a good idea to kill a dog with a chainsaw. WHILE HIS CHILDREN WATCHED. What level of demented do you have to reach to think, as Cooper would put it, this was a good choice. In fact, this was a series of bad choices with a side order of raving lunatic.
Then there was the mom who was arrested for watching her high school daughter fight a girl from school and coached her while she was fighting. Oh yes, and it was caught on MANY videos, posted on the web and honestly, every person who just stood there while the fight was going on, hooting and hollering, should have been charged with something. Sadly being stupid isn't illegal. Yet. The problem is who gets to decide what is considered stupid.
The woman said she went to the fight, to make sure her daughter wasn't hit in the back of the head by her opponent, as she had sustained a skull fracture, from a "previous incident." I am sorry, WHAT? She didn't go to STOP the fight, but to make sure her daughter, who apparently has a history of getting into "incidents" where she can sustain a skull fracture, didn't get hit in the back of the head. You know, possibly causing more injury. She was arrested on charges of child abuse.
Then on the news this morning was the story of a 14 year old boy in Providence RI who stole a van from a local organization, caused one accident which got the police after him. He refused to stop for the police, and during the pursuit he caused another accident, killing a 9 year old girl and injuring her mother and siblings. And himself.
I am not providing links to these stories as I really don't want to connect to these ridiculous and revolting stories, but they are out there. Google it if you would like.
What is wrong with these people? Why don't they have that thing in their brains, in their souls that says "HEY, this is actually a really bad idea. People will get hurt, I might get hurt, I AM HURTING OTHERS. And hurting others is bad." What happens to someone along the way in their lives that causes them to stop thinking that way?
If I thought moving to a farm in the middle of nowhere would help, I would do it. But it won't. The world has a way of finding its way in, so you need to learn how to deal with it. But I don't know how you explain things like this to a small person. So far I don't have to. He is blissfully unaware that the world can be this wrong. He gets glimpses though. When a little boy he doesn't even know tries to take a toy away from him at the park, Cooper's toy, not a generic it belongs to anyone toy, he sees that people can make bad choices. And it makes him sad and confused. We were at a different park recently, and there was a line to get up a slide. There was a group of little girls who were maybe his age or a bit older, who had no problem just cutting in line in front of whomever they chose. And I could see Cooper working this one out in his head. That it is wrong for HIM to cut and not take turns, but somehow these girls didn't observe the same rules. But they should. You could see he thought that. And eventually one of their parents intervened to support that in fact, they should be waiting their turn, but it was interesting watching how he responded.
But seriously, the world has lost its mind, and I want someone to fix it. Maybe if we all just take that moment before doing something and ask "Is this a good choice" we might, one choice at a time, make a difference. Because let's be honest, I am probably not cut out for raising ALL my own food and living the Laura Ingalls Wilder lifestyle. I need the world I live in right now to be a better place.
First there was the guy in New Mexico who decided it was a good idea to kill a dog with a chainsaw. WHILE HIS CHILDREN WATCHED. What level of demented do you have to reach to think, as Cooper would put it, this was a good choice. In fact, this was a series of bad choices with a side order of raving lunatic.
Then there was the mom who was arrested for watching her high school daughter fight a girl from school and coached her while she was fighting. Oh yes, and it was caught on MANY videos, posted on the web and honestly, every person who just stood there while the fight was going on, hooting and hollering, should have been charged with something. Sadly being stupid isn't illegal. Yet. The problem is who gets to decide what is considered stupid.
The woman said she went to the fight, to make sure her daughter wasn't hit in the back of the head by her opponent, as she had sustained a skull fracture, from a "previous incident." I am sorry, WHAT? She didn't go to STOP the fight, but to make sure her daughter, who apparently has a history of getting into "incidents" where she can sustain a skull fracture, didn't get hit in the back of the head. You know, possibly causing more injury. She was arrested on charges of child abuse.
Then on the news this morning was the story of a 14 year old boy in Providence RI who stole a van from a local organization, caused one accident which got the police after him. He refused to stop for the police, and during the pursuit he caused another accident, killing a 9 year old girl and injuring her mother and siblings. And himself.
I am not providing links to these stories as I really don't want to connect to these ridiculous and revolting stories, but they are out there. Google it if you would like.
What is wrong with these people? Why don't they have that thing in their brains, in their souls that says "HEY, this is actually a really bad idea. People will get hurt, I might get hurt, I AM HURTING OTHERS. And hurting others is bad." What happens to someone along the way in their lives that causes them to stop thinking that way?
If I thought moving to a farm in the middle of nowhere would help, I would do it. But it won't. The world has a way of finding its way in, so you need to learn how to deal with it. But I don't know how you explain things like this to a small person. So far I don't have to. He is blissfully unaware that the world can be this wrong. He gets glimpses though. When a little boy he doesn't even know tries to take a toy away from him at the park, Cooper's toy, not a generic it belongs to anyone toy, he sees that people can make bad choices. And it makes him sad and confused. We were at a different park recently, and there was a line to get up a slide. There was a group of little girls who were maybe his age or a bit older, who had no problem just cutting in line in front of whomever they chose. And I could see Cooper working this one out in his head. That it is wrong for HIM to cut and not take turns, but somehow these girls didn't observe the same rules. But they should. You could see he thought that. And eventually one of their parents intervened to support that in fact, they should be waiting their turn, but it was interesting watching how he responded.
But seriously, the world has lost its mind, and I want someone to fix it. Maybe if we all just take that moment before doing something and ask "Is this a good choice" we might, one choice at a time, make a difference. Because let's be honest, I am probably not cut out for raising ALL my own food and living the Laura Ingalls Wilder lifestyle. I need the world I live in right now to be a better place.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Swash Me Buckle, What have ye been doing in here?
Avast! It has been a few weeks since I posted, and you guys have made a mess in here. Me decks need swabbing and the bilge needs, um, bilging. No one has dusted or vacuumed and there are empty rum bottles in the crows nest.
It is Talk Like A Pirate Day. Ahoy!
Things have been hectic and exhausting lately. The opening of the semester was ridiculously busy. We spent the last two weeks hunting down missing students, clearing late arrivals, and generally putting out fires. Everyone is wiped out.
On top of that, Cooper began pre-school. He is still at the same school he has been at since he was 9 months old, but now he is upstairs in the Big Kids room. There are 15 kids in the class, 11 are boys. If I thought *I* was tired, I can only imagine how the teachers of his class feel. I have done day care, and it was the best birth control I could imagine. However, Cooper is having a great time. He gets to take gymnastics once a week in this class. When we get to class in the morning, there are all kinds of activities set out. Most of the time I just want to stay and finger paint or play with trucks too. But not enough that I want to change careers to be a day care teacher again.
In other news, have any of you ever tried growing cabbage? I planted 6 plants months ago. Gus pulled one out and ate it right away. I don't know why. He is a strange dog. But the others have been growing and growing, but have never developed any head. Stop it, all of the adolescent males out there. The picture on the tag shows a standard cabbage head, you know, like a smallish bowling ball. But all I have is a very large plant of loose leaves. It said they should mature within 70 - 85 days, and it has been that long. I am not sure if the leaves are edible, or even tasty. Next year I will have to try a different species.
And when did it become fall? Suddenly it is totally dark out at 7pm and it is dark when we wake up. There is one benefit to that, Cooper stays asleep past 6am. Most of the time. This morning he woke up crying at 5:20 from a bad dream. I have been awake now for almost 4 hours. On a Sunday. We should probably go apple picking or something, but honestly, my whole person just screams "Sit on the couch matey and drink grog." Or tea. Not very piratey but then, neither am I.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Grace in small things
There is a blogger, Schmutzie, who began the idea of noting officially the things for which she is grateful. The little things, because it is the little things that often have the most impact.
My list for this Sunday morning:
1. Cool almost fall mornings that dawn bright, and fresh and crisp.
2. Almost 4 year old boys who tell you "I like you mommy" because sometimes being liked is as important as being loved.
3. Watching a squirrel for two hours this morning methodically climb across the electrical wires, and down the pole with nuts in his/her mouth to bury for the winter. I don't know where they are being buried, but this squirrel is going to be ready when the first snow flies.
4. Coffee.
5. Friends.
6. Coffee is worth mentioning more than once.
Hope you are all having a nice Labor Day weekend.
My list for this Sunday morning:
1. Cool almost fall mornings that dawn bright, and fresh and crisp.
2. Almost 4 year old boys who tell you "I like you mommy" because sometimes being liked is as important as being loved.
3. Watching a squirrel for two hours this morning methodically climb across the electrical wires, and down the pole with nuts in his/her mouth to bury for the winter. I don't know where they are being buried, but this squirrel is going to be ready when the first snow flies.
4. Coffee.
5. Friends.
6. Coffee is worth mentioning more than once.
Hope you are all having a nice Labor Day weekend.
Monday, August 23, 2010
The wind blows in a new direction, finally
For the last year and a half The Bob has been for all intents and purposes unemployed. He did make a few dollars in real estate, but it didn't take off in a way that made it possible for him to make what he was making as a software engineer. We worked our way through the severance, then through the savings. We were looking serious financial crisis straight in the eye. Finally he found a new software job.
This month is the first month where the financial situation will finally take a turn for the good. The first pay check should arrive soon. We switched over to his health insurance coverage, which is significantly less than it was through my work. Cooper's day care costs are going down this month since the older classes cost less than the younger kids classes. And our mortgage is going down.
Back when people thought we were crazy, we got a 5/3 ARM. The original rate for the first 5 years was good, and we figured when we got to the point when it would reset, we could reevaluate the rate and refinance if we needed. The good news was that this month it resets and for once the crappy economy is working in my favor. Mortgage rates are lower than ever. We could let the rate we will have now ride for 3 years, but then it will reset again, and I am fairly sure that unless the world REALLY goes in the crapper, interest rates won't be lower than they are right now. Our lender offers the option of locking in to a fixed rate now if we want, at this nice new low rate. And yes thank you, we do. And it does NOT involve refinancing. So without paying all the refinancing costs, we are going to lock into a new low rate, and save $300 on our mortgage per month.
Even before we get a paycheck for The Bob, we should save almost $900 a month. Now, if we are smart, we will funnel that right back into our savings account, to begin rebuilding that, because there is NOTHING in it right now. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. The universe could not have waited any longer really, to cough up that new job. But I will not spend any time whining about the past 18 or so months. I will be grateful what we have now, and try to plan very carefully for the future.
Now if I could just feel better physically. The throat feels better, but this cold/virus will not let go. I guess it will eventually.
This month is the first month where the financial situation will finally take a turn for the good. The first pay check should arrive soon. We switched over to his health insurance coverage, which is significantly less than it was through my work. Cooper's day care costs are going down this month since the older classes cost less than the younger kids classes. And our mortgage is going down.
Back when people thought we were crazy, we got a 5/3 ARM. The original rate for the first 5 years was good, and we figured when we got to the point when it would reset, we could reevaluate the rate and refinance if we needed. The good news was that this month it resets and for once the crappy economy is working in my favor. Mortgage rates are lower than ever. We could let the rate we will have now ride for 3 years, but then it will reset again, and I am fairly sure that unless the world REALLY goes in the crapper, interest rates won't be lower than they are right now. Our lender offers the option of locking in to a fixed rate now if we want, at this nice new low rate. And yes thank you, we do. And it does NOT involve refinancing. So without paying all the refinancing costs, we are going to lock into a new low rate, and save $300 on our mortgage per month.
Even before we get a paycheck for The Bob, we should save almost $900 a month. Now, if we are smart, we will funnel that right back into our savings account, to begin rebuilding that, because there is NOTHING in it right now. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. The universe could not have waited any longer really, to cough up that new job. But I will not spend any time whining about the past 18 or so months. I will be grateful what we have now, and try to plan very carefully for the future.
Now if I could just feel better physically. The throat feels better, but this cold/virus will not let go. I guess it will eventually.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Kicking my butt and taking names
Hello! In case you were wondering, I am alive, barely. Three weeks ago I came down with a cold, but it started as a migraine, followed by full body aches, then congestion and a sinus infection, capped off by what is apparently a virus that has attacked my throat. I have felt like a thousand bees have taken up residence in my throat and are stinging me regularly. Today is the first day I have felt even remotely human. It has seriously been kicking my ass and taking names. The doctor (I have spent $75 in copayments in the last month visiting his office) said it sounds like I caught a childhood virus, probably from that petri dish I live with called my son, but it has settled in my throat. Only time and diligent consumption of pseudofed and advil will provide relief and eventual healing.
In the middle of all of that Cooper and I went on our annual pilgrimage to Friendship ME. This year two out of the three sons of my friends we visit with were there with their respective spouses and children. It was great to visit with the eldest, as I have not seen him in probably 10 years, and we are almost the same age. He and his wife met later in life like The Bob and I did, and they had a child in the same time frame that we did. I spend so much time around parents who are at least 10 years younger than myself I appreciated being around people who are facing parenthood with the same set of limitations and perspective I am.
This is the cove we saw every day while there.
This view is why I go back every single year, along with the great friendship and relaxation we experience.
Our friend John is a train enthusiast, and each year we have taken Cooper up, he has taken us to see this train that is being restored in the Sheepscot/Wiscasett area. The track has been restored for about 2 miles, and we get to ride out and back on original cars pulled by an original engine. This year Cooper and John also got to ride and work a real hand truck.
And here is Cooper on the train, holding his ticket. He loves doing this and John enjoys having an enthusiastic friend to share his hobby with.
In addition to the train, Cooper also went on his first motor boat ride, to go looking for seals, which we found. He loved it. It couldn't go fast enough as far as he was concerned. Can you tell he was loving it?
He also went on his first kayak ride. Since I was piloting the kayak I did not get any pictures of this momentous event. However, he loved it. We used a friends double kayak and he sat back enjoying the ride, until he asked me if there were any whales in the water. I said I didn't think so, but there could be. It was then he said he was ready to go in. For the record, there have never been any whale sightings in the cove.
All in all it was good trip, I just wish I felt better. I got sick right before going up there last year too. Now I need to recover because the semester is starting in two weeks and I will need all of my energy to get through that.
In the middle of all of that Cooper and I went on our annual pilgrimage to Friendship ME. This year two out of the three sons of my friends we visit with were there with their respective spouses and children. It was great to visit with the eldest, as I have not seen him in probably 10 years, and we are almost the same age. He and his wife met later in life like The Bob and I did, and they had a child in the same time frame that we did. I spend so much time around parents who are at least 10 years younger than myself I appreciated being around people who are facing parenthood with the same set of limitations and perspective I am.
This is the cove we saw every day while there.
This view is why I go back every single year, along with the great friendship and relaxation we experience.
Our friend John is a train enthusiast, and each year we have taken Cooper up, he has taken us to see this train that is being restored in the Sheepscot/Wiscasett area. The track has been restored for about 2 miles, and we get to ride out and back on original cars pulled by an original engine. This year Cooper and John also got to ride and work a real hand truck.
And here is Cooper on the train, holding his ticket. He loves doing this and John enjoys having an enthusiastic friend to share his hobby with.
In addition to the train, Cooper also went on his first motor boat ride, to go looking for seals, which we found. He loved it. It couldn't go fast enough as far as he was concerned. Can you tell he was loving it?
He also went on his first kayak ride. Since I was piloting the kayak I did not get any pictures of this momentous event. However, he loved it. We used a friends double kayak and he sat back enjoying the ride, until he asked me if there were any whales in the water. I said I didn't think so, but there could be. It was then he said he was ready to go in. For the record, there have never been any whale sightings in the cove.
All in all it was good trip, I just wish I felt better. I got sick right before going up there last year too. Now I need to recover because the semester is starting in two weeks and I will need all of my energy to get through that.
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